The secret to attracting and retaining an uncommon love partner is being as much in your own personal power as possible.
And by uncommon love, I mean the kind of love that seems to be so hard for many of us to find these days.
✨Love with someone who is open, who welcomes us into their life, who isn’t afraid to be vulnerable or to get intimate.
✨Love that makes us feel worthy, protected, cherished, nourished.
✨Love that is drama-free and makes us feel safe to be 100% who we are.
That is the kind of love I am talking about.
And I know that is the type of love that some of you have only dreamt about.
You may even feel that finding love like this is something outside of your control.
I used to feel that way too.
I want more for you and I am here to help you change that!
So let’s get into why this is actually very much within your control.
Personal Power: Why This Is Within Your Control
As I mentioned earlier, the secret is being as much in your own personal power as possible.
Why is that important?
Because when you are firmly seated in your power you will:
✅Feel like you have a right to exist on this planet
✅ Be so much more confident and secure in who YOU are
✅ You will feel so much more confident in your relationships
✅ You will feel like you belong everywhere you go
✅ You will not feel guilty for having needs and you will feel like you can reach out to the right people to get them met (and they will be)
✅ You will be able to create your own internal AND external experience
✅ You will be able to stand up for and assert yourself
✅ You will be able to fully receive love (and thereby fully give it too)
Whenever any of those ways of being is missing, you will not be fully open to giving and receiving love.
👉🏻Which means you will have some level of emotional unavailability.
And all of us call forth our partners from our capacity to love and be loved.
The Pieces to Personal Power
These 7 personal power pieces build on each other and determine the degree to which you are open to giving and receiving love; which is also it’s own power piece.
- My Existence is Valid
- I Have Needs and They Are Important
- I Can Fully Be Me
- I Belong
- I Determine My Own Experience
- I Can Stand Up For Myself
- I Am Fully Open To Love (Giving & Receiving)
Think of it like a puzzle.
The puzzle isn’t complete if pieces are missing.
The more pieces that are missing, the more fragile it is, right?
When all of the pieces are present, they work together to give shape and strength to the puzzle.
It’s harder to break it up when it is completely together.
This is similar to how the personal power pieces work.
They build on each other. Each piece is strengthened by the pieces around it.
What It Means to Be ‘Missing’ a Personal Power Piece
When you are missing one of the pieces above, it means you have thoughts and deep seated beliefs about that piece.
Those thoughts/beliefs keep you from being able to claim that piece of your power.
When you can’t claim that piece of your power, it leaves you vulnerable to people who will exploit that.
For example, you ignore your own needs because
❌you deeply believe that you shouldn’t have any needs.
❌ And even if it was ok for you to have needs, you certainly don’t believe that others should or will meet your needs.
❌ These beliefs will cause you to give and give to others and not accept anything in return (because that would feel weird).
❌ Never choose yourself, therefore you are living your life for others
❌ Not ask for your needs to be met
❌ And if you do ask for your needs to be met, you will ask this of people who cannot/will not meet them
This leaves you vulnerable to toxic personalities who will take and take from you and never give.
The 7 Personal Power Pieces at a High Level
My Existence Is Valid
Fully empowered looks like:
When you are fully in your power with your existence, you know you have a right to be here on the planet. You are happy to be alive. You see that other people are happy you are here as well. You know your existence is sacred and you have a lot to give. You are able to fully connect to yourself and others.
Disempowered looks like:
Poor connection to your body. You avoid connecting to others and even push people away that get too close. You feel like your existence threatens your life. You rarely feel truly welcomed. There is a withdrawal from life.
I Have Needs And They Are Important
Fully empowered looks like:
You acknowledge your own needs and seek to either meet them yourself or seek out people who will. Having needs is as natural to you as breathing. You have no problem choosing what is best for you and won’t tolerate others who just take.
Disempowered looks like:
Having needs makes you feel shame or guilt, if you even acknowledge them at all. You give everything to others and never expect anything in return. You wouldn’t accept it anyway even if they did. If you do want something, you tend to ask people who are not able to give you what you want, thereby reaffirming to you that your needs don’t matter and are an inconvenience to others.
I Can Fully Be Me
Fully empowered looks like:
When you are your authentic self, you can be who you are around anyone, in any situation. You can show your vulnerabilities as easily as you show your strengths. You know that anyone that rejects you does so because of their own shadow and you don’t make it mean anything about you. You would never tolerate being with someone that wanted to dim your light.
Disempowered looks like:
You lose yourself in relationships. You stand for nothing. You have no interests of your own. You don’t even really know who you are and what you want. So you become who you think your partner wants you to be.
I Belong
Fully empowered looks like:
When you feel you belong, you can talk to just about anyone. You have a lot of friends and you have no trouble joining in on new activities with others. You feel seen. You know you are wanted and appreciated for your uniqueness. You are able to contribute because you feel like you are on an equal playing field with everyone else. You don’t fear intimacy or vulnerability. You would never accept a partner that is not attuned to you and your needs.
Disempowered looks like:
You don’t feel like you have anything worth contributing. You constantly compare yourself to others. You are a master at reading body language and are ready to run at the first hint of what you perceive to be disconnection. Even if you are welcomed in you will constantly look for ways that you don’t belong. You will accept the lack of attunement from a partner.
I Determine My Own Experience
Fully empowered looks like:
When you feel you can create your own internal and external experience you feel you have choice. You feel you direct your own destiny and that you have full permission to do so. You would never accept a partner that tried to control you on any level.
Disempowered looks like:
You don’t feel like you have a right to your own experience. You lose yourself when you are in relationship. You lead with your faults and always apologize for the way you are. You think you have to always go along with whatever everyone else wants. This opens the door for allowing someone to control you.
I Can Stand Up For Myself
Fully empowered looks like:
You are able to stand up for yourself fully. You have no trouble voicing your thoughts or making requests from others. You know that sometimes you must rock the boat and that is ok. You would never accept a partner that tried to control you or dismissed you on a regular basis.
Disempowered looks like:
You care more about the fall out and how other people might feel if you speak up for yourself. You are always trying to control for the discomfort of others. Rocking the boat doesn’t feel safe. You accept partners that don’t respect you, try to control you in some way and never give you a say in anything.
I Am Fully Open To Love (Giving & Receiving)
Fully empowered looks like:
You feel the most love when you are fully and deeply connected to another person and you won’t tolerate anything less than that. You look for an attuned response from your partner and if you don’t get it, you will move on to someone else who WILL give you that attunement. When fully empowered here, anyone that isn’t meeting your need for full connection will not be very appealing to you.
Disempowered looks like:
You have trouble accepting praise or compliments. The idea of there being people who are ‘fans’ of yours unsettles you. You might have trouble being faithful. ‘Good guys/gals’ just don’t seem to do it for you. A porn addiction might be in play or you might avoid sex altogether as much as possible. You find you make yourself available for relationships often with emotionally unavailable people hoping you can love them enough to change them. The extreme is accepting outright abuse from a partner.
Do you see yourself in any of these?
If so, and you are wanting that uncommon love type of relationship, it might be time to start to work on shifting it.
