I recently attended Alanis Morissette’s 3 Moon tour. Joan Jett was was one of the warm up bands.
It was a fantastic show! So glad I got to see both of them!
But during Joan’s rendition of ‘I Hate Myself For Loving You’, I got to thinking.
It’s Relatable!
It’s a popular song…because it’s highly relatable. How many times did I feel this way too when I was dating?
LOTS. Especially when I entertained casual sex relationships hoping that the guy would finally see me and want to commit.
UGH, I felt like I literally couldn’t say NO sometimes!
And there certainly was no taking a stand for what I wanted as these guys were largely what I didn’t actually want.
It’s like I was under some sort of SPELL.
It does make you feel a certain way about yourself that isn’t good.
Can you relate?
Truth: You ARE under a spell when this happens
What I want you to know (and what I wish I knew back then), is that you literally can’t help it. Exactly like being under a spell.
Except the spell here is actually the energy dynamics that are due to an emotional wound that you are unconsciously trying to heal through this relationship.
It’s usually better to see this in example so I’ll use my own.
My example
I had developed an attraction to a coworker. His attention made me feel special at the time, especially after I’d just been through the collapse of my second engagement.
He invited me over and we had a nice night. I was VERY attracted to him.
I thought at first he was actually interested in dating me. Until I noticed that we never actually went out. It was always a ‘Netflix and chill’ kind of thing.
AND I knew he was doing the same with others.
It should have been a clear NOPE from me, as this wasn’t what I wanted. I should have been able to say NO when he asked me to come over.
But I couldn’t! Because I didn’t want to say NO!
I kinda hated myself for not wanting to say no.
But…WHY?
To understand why that was, we have to take a look at what I was believing at the time about him and our relationship.
➡️I was believing that this guy really did have feelings for me, but he just wasn’t ready to ‘commit’.
➡️I was believing that if I was able to show him my awesomeness (through being everything he wants in a partner, especially in bed) then he’ll have to love me and he’ll choose me over the others.
➡️AND my unconscious fantasy was to finally win over the emotionally unavailable guy as that would validate me and make me ‘special’.
My beliefs in this case were the lens I was viewing this relationship through. They were what was making this guy so irresistibly attractive to me.
BUT this is the reality that I couldn’t see while under the spell:
❌He was not a good person and did not share my values (I didn’t want to see this)
❌He was not even that physically attractive (Can definitely say that looking back now!)
❌He wanted kids and I did not (This should have been a deal breaker for me)
❌He did not have actual feelings for me, he was only interested in the sex (Which I was using as a way to get to his heart)
If I had been able to clearly see these things at the time, the spell would have been broken and I would have been able to cut him off.
Which is what eventually did happen. But it had to happen through rejection, unfortunately.
Breaking The Spell
When I finally told him how I felt and what I wanted and he rejected me, it’s like the veil was lifted and I could finally see the truth.
After that, I had no problem telling him no. The spell was broken.
So ladies, when you find yourself irresistibly attracted to someone where you can’t say NO and you feel like trash because of it, see if you can figure out the SPELL.
👉What are you believing about him and this relationship?
👉And what is the actual truth you don’t want to see? (ask your friends, they know)
Awareness is how you break a spell.
Healing that part of you that wants to believe a story instead of the truth is how you KEEP SPELLS AWAY.
P.S. If you’re so done with being enchanted by the WRONG ONES and you want to make yourself SPELL PROOF, then you’re going to want to check out Dating Alchemy. It’s my 16 week private coaching container where we’ll work on gaining the awareness you need to break spells and most importantly, heal those parts of you that are susceptible to the spells.
For more info and to apply go here: Dating Alchemy
