I’ve spoken many times about how quickly things changed in my dating life.
I went from 2 failed engagements, many multi-year relationships with emotionally unavailable people and finally there toward the end, only attracting those that wanted casual relationships TO finding the man that would become my husband within 3 months of shifting this ONE THING.
The Key To Finding A Partner FAST
That one thing was my VIBRATION (aka my energy).
It may sound like a ‘woo’ sort of thing, but it’s really not.
Science has proven that the world as we know it is run by energy. Everything is either attracting or repelling with the rule being ‘like attracts like’.
Humans literally attract experiences, people, and other energetic things (like money and love) to them that match their own vibration. (If this is a new concept for you and you want more info on how that works, check out this article: https://jenyoungquist.com/attraction/)
Change Your Energy To Change Your Results
If you want a different experience, you must change what you’re broadcasting in your energy field.
I changed one big thing that made all the difference:
I STARTED TO PUT MYSELF FIRST.
It sounds simple at first and the previous version of me would have believed she WAS already doing that.
Subtle Ways You Might Not Be Putting Yourself First
But here were two of the biggest ways I was NOT putting myself first:
I was not standing up for what I really wanted
Part of the problem was I didn’t fully know what I wanted. When I spent time getting clear, it aligned my energy toward a focal point instead of leaving it scattered and weak.
The second part of the problem was I was accepting anyone that came my way that I was attracted to instead of being very clear (to myself but especially to others) about what I would and would not accept (and sticking to it).
I thought that agreeing to these casual relationships wouldn’t hurt and that it would be a good diversion until I found the right one.
WRONG!
By entering into those relationships, it changed my energy to outwardly read ‘unavailable’ and ‘hey boys, she’s ok with casual’.
Because I had an emotional connection to these guys, I quit looking for what I really wanted; actively anyway. I stopped being visible.
Therefore I had to decide those relationships were no longer acceptable because they didn’t align with my vision for the life I wanted.
I had the ‘come to Jesus’ talk with one of them and he flat out turned me down on the offer of a real relationship. The other just kind of fell away slowly as my energy changed.
Between the new-found clarity on my vision and the asking for what I wanted, those were enough to make energetic room for something else to come in.
I was settling for crumbs of love
This has been a life-long pattern for me.
I would meet someone and it would be really good at first.
Then the other would start to disengage.
It was confusing but I gave the benefit of the doubt because I had experienced what it COULD be like.
So I would hold out for those crumbs of love, no matter how small. Even in a casual relationship!
And in doing so, was denying my own needs.
I was content to just WAIT.
What this does to your energy vibration is broadcast out to the world ‘my needs don’t matter!’, ‘come take advantage of my loving nature as I’ll never hold you accountable’!
UGH
No surprise I attracted others who wanted to make me their doormat or use me in some way.
By taking a stand for what I truly wanted, it changed my vibration to signal that I was no longer available for crumbs.
Once I laid the groundwork by changing my vibration, it only took 3 months to find my husband.
Other Subtle Ways You Don’t Put Yourself First
Perhaps you do a version of the things I did?
If not, there are SO many other ways we don’t put ourselves first. Tell me if you do a version of any of these:
- Not saying ‘NO’ enough and taking on too much
- Taking care of others to the detriment of yourself
- Not asking for help
- Not asking for and expecting our needs to be met by others
- Being a martyr (giving everything and not getting much in return)
- Waiting on someone else to become the partner you need them to be
- Not taking care of your body/mind/spirit
- You have trouble instituting and enforcing boundaries
Shifting your energy by putting yourself first is the fastest way to find that soulmate partner you are looking for.
P.S. Sometimes in life there are things we know we should do, but have so much resistance to doing them. I’ll be honest, it took a good amount of frustration before I was finally able to do those things I mentioned. It would have been a lot easier if I’d had support in doing it.
Resistance can totally keep us from the things we most want. Part of the work I do with my clients is help them to understand their resistance and befriend it to work through it. Shaming yourself into change won’t work. I can help. I would love to meet you and help you come up with a plan that will help you to put yourself first. I’m inviting you to a FREE call with me so I can get you unstuck. Pick a time slot using the button below:
