You may understand that authenticity is important in relationships.
I mean, who seriously likes someone that’s obviously pretending to be something they are not?
It’s a huge turn off. Because it’s a LIE.
Inauthenticity Can Be Subtle Too
But you may not fully see how even being subtly inauthentic, can be just as damaging.
What I’m talking about here is being afraid to be fully yourself because you are concerned that your potential partner might not like you for it.
Who here has pretended to be interested in something that your date is?
Or has let someone violate a boundary because you don’t want to piss him off?
Or perhaps you just really tamp down your personality because you don’t want to come off as ‘too much’?
Or maybe you just don’t talk much about your interests or your past because you are afraid of being judged?
All of these things are subtle ways that you could be inauthentic in your relationships.
You Care What Others Think
And it’s all because you care about what someone else thinks of you. (AKA, you’re afraid of being abandoned)
In this piece of content I’m going to make the case for why this abandonment is a GOOD thing and you should use it as a discernment tool.
Look, most people you meet are NOT going to be right for you. So the faster you can go through them and find this out, the better.
In the beginning stage of any relationship, your only job is to get to know this person as well as you can so you can see if there is any long-term potential.
Not letting someone see the REAL you, is hiding. And this will give you results you don’t want.
Seriously, Let Your Freak Flag FLY
This is the point in the relationship where you need to let your freak flag fly.
You need to know if this guy can handle the real you!
If he can’t then he needs to move on – and so do you. Why would you want to stay with someone that doesn’t appreciate all that you are?
The only reason you wouldn’t do this, is because YOU aren’t sure about you.
Are You Sold On YOU?
Somewhere along the way, you were shamed, picked-on, overlooked, avoided, excluded or otherwise made to feel you should be different than you are.
So you been walking through life trying to be what everyone else wants you to be.
That’s EXHAUSTING! The energy it takes to do such a thing is massive.
A Reframe
I’m inviting you to let that shit go!
AND to reframe it.
Instead, focus on how YOU feel when you can’t be YOU. That doesn’t feel good at all, does it?
So why would you want to do that to yourself?
Let him see the REAL you and let him decide if that’s for him. (Remember, YOU are also deciding if HE is right for YOU)
If it isn’t, consider it a bullet dodged instead of a rejection.
Trust me, there WILL be someone who will see how awesome you really are.
But he can’t find you if you are hiding.
I know other people’s opinions of you can be a difficult thing to let go of. Especially if you are one whose self-esteem is tied to external validation. Mine was at one time too. So I know it can be a scary thing to let people in. I want you to know that this is one of the things we work on in Dating Alchemy, my 16 week private coaching program. You will learn how to stop giving a fuck about what other people think of you and work on your own opinion of yourself. To learn more and to apply go here: Dating Alchemy
