Like, when you KNOW this guy is not really what you want, or there’s a lot of drama, or he’s emotionally unavailable in some way?
I used to do this with pretty much every relationship I had because I was believing some things that just weren’t true (but they FELT so true).
Beliefs That Were Keeping Me Stuck
First is, I thought I was too old to find exactly what I wanted in a relationship.
I thought that guys like that would either already be taken or they would desire younger women (keep in mind I was 26 when I first started thinking this!)
The other thought I had is that it was better to have someone than to be alone.
The third thought was that I didn’t want to cause someone I cared about pain.
These three thoughts were keeping me trapped AND they were keeping the other person trapped too.
That’s Not Love
Because if we’re being honest, he probably knows as much as you do that the relationship isn’t going anywhere. He’s being just as complacent as you are because he too would rather not be alone and doesn’t want to start over.
You both are using each other. And that’s not love.
What I didn’t know at the time was how the Universe and energy really worked.
I figured I’d just hold onto this guy until a better one came along.
But a better one was NOT going to come along.
‘Better’ Needs a Void to Fill
It was not possible for a better one to come along.
What self-respecting guy would start a relationship with someone who already was in a relationship? No matter how bad that relationship was.
The only kind of person who would step in in this situation is someone who has a lot of his own work to do. Which is NOT what you want.
The only way to let in more, new or better….is to LET GO FIRST.
If you are still holding onto something that isn’t serving you, it doesn’t allow for the space and vacuum to call something better in.
The degree to which you are able to let go is the degree to which you are able to allow more in.
But WILL Someone Fill the Void?
The only reason you aren’t letting go of this relationship is because you are afraid there won’t be anyone to come fill that void.
It’s a shitty place to be.
It’s a very disempowered place to be.
Because you are essentially believing that what you want is something you don’t have any control over finding.
What I have discovered as someone who is on the other side of this problem, is that couldn’t be more wrong.
You Create Your Results
You are a very powerful being.
You are creating (manifesting) all the time.
You are creating and manifesting from your current IDENTITY.
Your identity is made up your past experiences, current beliefs, and actions you take (or don’t take) because of those things.
You find yourself creating the same situation over and over because you are focusing on what you DON’T want, instead of focusing on what you want and holding the belief you WILL find it.
Manifestation (creating) is a byproduct of your dominant frequency and vibration.
When you are giving your power away, your dominant frequency and vibration is not where it needs to be in order to manifest the relationship you truly want.
How You Give Your Power Away
When you hold onto something that you know is not for you, you are giving your power away.
You are believing that you can’t find anything better.
You are believing that better might not exist or that it’s not within your power to attract this.
And you are believing you will ‘be alone’ or ‘be lonely’ without a boyfriend.
The other way you’re giving away your power in this example is you are people pleasing.
Whenever you agree to suffer in order to ‘spare’ someone else from feeling an emotion, that is people pleasing.
I know, women have been conditioned to put everyone else (especially men) first.
You’ve learned that’s how you get love. Love you get from doing this, are crumbs. But again, this may be all that you’re used to and all that you can currently handle.
I was in this space for many years. Whenever someone gave me love without me having to prove myself (suffer) in some way, I pushed it away.
So I would hold onto these emotionally unavailable crumb givers. It’s all that I could imagine (and handle) at the time.
Do You Want More?
The question then becomes, ‘Do you want more for yourself?’
If not, then there’s no problem.
But you’re reading this because you DO.
So how do you shift this pattern so that you can have all that you truly want?
You Take Charge
You take charge by making space for what you really want. You let go of the old relationship. You make yourself available. You become more visible out in the world.
And you get crystal clear on what it is you really want.
You’re also going to have to dive into what’s behind your people pleasing tendencies and learn to take a stand for yourself.
In order to change anything in your life, YOU have to change in some way.
Some of you will have some deeper changes to make, and others are only going to need a bit of awareness and some action to shake things up.
It’s going to require getting out of your comfort zone.
You aren’t going to find your mate in your comfort zone. If he were there, you’d have found him already.
If taking action towards something you want creates some resistance in you, that’s normal.
If that happens, my advice is to find a qualified guide that can hold a safe space for you and help you to move past the resistance.
I am such a guide, I’d love to meet you!
If getting support isn’t something you are ready for, I have something that can help.
I have a FREE workshop that will help you do some of the things I mentioned above.
I’m inviting you to check it out. Let me know you want it by signing up here: Find You Mate (Without Even Trying)
When you sign up, you’ll get the link to the replay page where I walk you through the process of getting crystal clear on what you want and take you through the process of manifesting.
