If your approach to relationships involves always having ‘one foot out the door’ or you are ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’, you’ve already energetically doomed the relationship to failure.
Here’s why.
Both of those colloquialisms express FEAR.
The Problem With Focusing On Fear
Fear is what you feel as a result of putting your focus and attention on something in the future; something that you think will/might happen.
When you are trying to protect yourself from something that might happen, you brace for it.
Your brain spends time on guard for it.
The Energetics of Fear
Think about all the little energetic things that happen when you are bracing for something or are guarding yourself against it.
- There is a holding back; waiting until it feels safe to open up or move forward.
- Energy is contracted.
- Backup plans are made.
- There is suspicion. Therefore trust is low.
- There is anxiety when things don’t go to expectation.
- There is a constant retreat and advance depending on how safe you feel.
- There is a lot of energy spent analyzing every little thing.
- There is a conditional choosing of the relationship; as long as things seem to be ok then you choose it.
- Faith in it working out is low.
How The Law of Attraction Reacts to Fear
The Law of Attraction is how humans create and it merely amplifies your current state. (Want to know more about how to use the Law of Attraction? Listen to my podcast episode)
According to universal principles, what you focus on is what you create, because we create from our predominant thoughts and energy.
When you operate with ‘one foot out the door’, you are focusing on the fear of it NOT working out.
Which puts you in a state of perpetual FEAR.
What do you think you create in life from the energy of fear?
The short of it is you create in your life exactly what you fear.
My Energetic Example
I was doing this my whole life in each relationship.
One foot out the door, ready to flee if I saw signs I couldn’t trust him.
I was definitely not all in.
I was waiting for him to prove himself until I felt safe enough to open up and trust.
What I was most afraid of was rejection.
I was afraid of rejection because I was using my romantic relationships to validate my worthiness.
Bring the Unconscious to Light
This wasn’t a conscious thing.
I would have told you at the time that I was very secure in myself and I felt I was a catch and that I didn’t need anyone to tell me that.
But there was this nagging piece left over from my younger days that I wasn’t consciously aware of.
I didn’t feel quite ‘good enough’ in some situations and I was looking to others to validate that I was.
Unfortunately, that little piece was creating in me that energy of fear of rejection.
So I operated out in the world bracing for and hardening myself for rejection.
That made me operate in my relationships constantly on guard, with a closed heart and looking for the first signs of rejection.
And that kept me from being able to fully connect on a deep level with anyone.
So of course my relationships never worked.
Shift Your Focus
Imagine what could have happened if I had the same level of faith toward how I WANTED it to go.
For anything to change, I had to stop putting my energy and focus on that which I feared and put it into a place of trust.
I had to come to peace with that fear of getting hurt or losing and stop making it mean that I was not good enough.
The moment I accepted it and surrendered is the moment I had power over it.
How to Work on Consciously Shifting Your Focus
There are two things you need to do here to get to that space where you can be at peace with getting hurt or rejected.
1. Practice self-love
I know you’ve heard this before and likely have resistance to this.
But, you weren’t born feeling unworthy. That was something that was conditioned into you.
That feeling may have helped you survive as a child, but it’s significantly hindering your life right now.
These feelings need to be explored and examined. Then they can be released and transformed.
Resistance to doing this is simply your brain trying to keep you safe even if it’s in a stuck place.
2. Learn to stop taking things personally
Actions that other people take are NEVER because of or about you.
Those actions are 100% a result of their own internal ‘stuff’.
Now, you may be a trigger for their stuff, but how they deal with the trigger still is not about you.
When you can fully understand and integrate this fact, you will gain so much freedom and power in your life.
Essentially, other people’s reactions to you are a terrible and highly unreliable thing from which to source your worth.
For more on this I highly suggest you read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. He covers this topic really well.
P.S. These two concepts are just two of the things I help my clients with in Dating Alchemy.
I provide a safe and loving container from which I help you explore these concepts for yourself, at your own pace.
Coaching isn’t about fixing you. You aren’t broken.
Coaching IS about bringing conscious awareness to the unconscious things that are blocking you from creating the things you really want in life, especially your dream relationship.
If you’d like to explore how Dating Alchemy could be right for you, please click this link now and fill out the application. You’ll be guided to book your call with me so we can talk about how it can help you. There’s never any obligation to buy, there’s no such thing as wasted time talking about this.
