Does your love life always seem to be filled with…drama?
Like the partners you end up with have an issue, illness or past that keeps getting in the way of you being able to fully enjoy the relationship with them?
When things are good they are GOOD!
But those times seem to be few and far between.
What Drama?
This is an example of what I’m talking about: your partner might have a mental health issue and s/he is not the best at taking their meds regularly.
And when they are off their meds, you become their lowest priority. You are pushed away.
Or perhaps you even become their punching bag (figuratively or even literally).
Another example is they are bringing in drama from their ex or children (or both).
You find yourself taking a back seat while they deal with all that. OR you may even find yourself sucked into that drama and becoming the target of the children’s or ex’s rage and frustration.
What the bloody HELL, right?!
Why does this seem to keep happening to you?
Well, you may not like what I’m about to say or you may not be ready to hear it, and that’s ok. You will come to the realization at some point on your own, just like I did.
Here goes…..chaotic partners make us feel needed. And we feel more secure in a relationship when we feel needed.
You feel like you are ‘helping’ them by being a stable, loving presence in their life.
You feel like if you weren’t there to make sure they don’t fully self-destruct and help them pick up the pieces, that it could be really bad for that person you love.
And you are counting on them totally seeing that and healing and loving you all the more because of that…someday.
That’s all very noble. It speaks to the big heart you have. That you can just give so much love and have it returned to you in crumbs.
That you are so willing to give up what YOU want…for them.
Unfortunately, that makes you a martyr, not a partner.
Wait, There’s More…
Here’s the second part of this you might not want to hear…
You are settling for partners like this because stable, secure people make YOU feel insecure.
You secretly worry that if your partner doesn’t need you, they’ll leave you for ‘someone better’.
And that’s why you’ve been tolerating all the drama.
There’s no drama with stable, secure, emotionally intelligent people. Which is really the type of person you are longing to meet and fall in love with.
Are There Any Good Ones Left?
I hear your protest ‘But Jen, there’s not many out there like that!’.
I’m going to lovingly call bullshit on that.
You know people like this. You’ve met people like this.
But you ‘weren’t attracted to them’.
It’s not your fault that that happens. That’s just a natural by-product of feeling insecure or uncomfortable around those types of people.
Therefore, heal the insecurity and you solve your dramatic partner problem.
Bolstering your internal sense of safety and worth is what will draw MORE of those secure, emotionally available types to you…and you to them.
Make this a priority for yourself and you’ll see a dramatic difference in your love life.
Not sure how exactly how you can bolster your internal sense of safety and worth? Well, my friend, this is what I help people do. I can either write it out in a very, very long blog post or email that nobody will read…or we can have a free chat about it. I’d love to share with you the process of healing this. It’s only a sales call if you decide you want to hear more about how I personally can help you. Book your call today and let’s get you out of the drama cycle.
