Dating sucks! It’s NOT fun for you anymore.
Why Dating is Hard
It’s lost its mystery. It’s become a chore, frustrating, disappointing.
You keep meeting the same guy just with a different face.
MR doesn’t want anything serious
MR set in his ways
MR doesn’t go out of his way for you
MR selfish
MR come here/go away
MR inconsistent
MR ISN’T CHOOSING YOU
Things You Do As a Result
I’m willing to bet that you’ve done one or more of these things:
- Swear off dating and stop being visible in the world
- Give more than your fair share of energy to relationships
- Feel like you have to accept what comes along as it might be your only chance
- Perhaps you cling too tightly to relationships and try to make it work with those that aren’t really a good fit for your because you don’t want to start over again
- Harden your heart and act just as aloof as they are
- Rely solely on online dating because you think you can better control what you expose yourself to
- Or maybe you’ve developed impossible standards as a way of protecting yourself
What You May Be Experiencing Because of It
And I’m willing to bet if you’re experiencing this, then these things also might be happening:
- You’ve kind of put your life on hold afraid to make any moves out of fear it will make it harder for you to find someone and incorporate them into your life – so you aren’t living your authentic life
- You’re probably really guarded and protective of your heart – not opening up until you feel safe
- You’re so used to finding bottom barrel that when you do find a good one, you’re suspicious of his instant openness and attention
- Perhaps you even try to become what you think the guy you like will want, which is exhausting
- Maybe you don’t say NO enough for fear of driving anyone away
I know this because these are some of the things that I used to do too when I was in the dating pool.
The Thing That Actually Makes Dating Not Fun
What I’ve come to realize is that when dating feels heavy and it’s no longer fun, it’s because you’re giving away your power.
These are some of the ways you might be doing that:
- You’re not 100% believing that what you want is also seeking you, that he exists
- You’re giving him all the power. You’re letting him decide if he likes YOU rather than you deciding if he’s right for YOU
- You’re taking his words and actions personally and as THE truth, rather than seeing them as just a product of his own experiences and lens through which he sees the world (his truth) – and you’re using it as proof that there’s something wrong with you or that the Universe is ignoring or punishing you.
- You’re putting a lot of pressure on the relationship in the early stages – if you have thoughts like ‘could he be the one?’, ‘what if this is my last chance?’, ‘my internal clock is ticking’, ‘I hope this works because I’m tired of dating/being alone’, ‘I should be married by now!’, then you are giving your power away to expectations, fears and an imaginary timeline.
In other words, dating itself isn’t heavy or burdensome. The way you’re thinking about it, the expectations you’re placing on it, and the actions you take to try to ‘fix’ that are really what is making it that way.
Your Conditioning is BS
It’s not your fault, this is how we’re conditioned as women.
We’re told from childhood that we can’t always have what we want or that we have to wait for what we want.
We’re told through fairy tales, movies and stories that the men have to choose us.
We’re conditioned to give more credence to the thoughts and opinions of others rather than our own internal knowledge.
As women we’re told we have an expiration date – can’t be ‘too old’ to start a family. Or that if we’re not married by a certain age that it becomes way harder to find someone.
Ladies, I’m calling BS on ALL that!
My personal experience has been that as soon as I shifted how I looked at dating, I met my husband just months later. (Yes, it can happen THAT fast!)
Learn to See Things Differently
Shifting the way you look at dating will drastically change your experience with it AND it will go a long way toward changing your RESULTS.
Old ways of thinking can be quite ‘sticky’.
It’s not always like flipping a switch. Especially for those thoughts that are the most practiced. They’ve created the deepest grooves in your brain.
The good news is they aren’t permanent. You just have to start creating new grooves.
How to get started
Your first step in doing that is to be willing to take a good hard look at where you are giving away your power in dating.
Do you do any of the things I mentioned above? What else do you do?
Then take a look at what you believe that causes you to do those things and ask yourself what’s a more empowering way to believe instead?
For example, if you don’t 100% believe that what you want exists, that you can find it, AND that you deserve to have it, why not? What thoughts pop into your head that tell you this isn’t possible?
Write those down and really examine them for truth. Where did they come from? What could you believe instead that is more empowering?
Self-coaching is not easy, especially if you’ve never done it before.
I suggest finding a good book that can help you do this work. Look for key words like shadow work, thought work, mindset or self-coaching when you look for resources.
OR find yourself a coach that can support you.
Need some quick support in this to get on the right track?
What I just described above is exactly what I help my clients do.
So if this is speaking to your heart and soul, click the button below to sign up for a free call. On the call we’ll go over these things:
- Your dating pattern
- What do you do that gives away your power?
- What are you believing right now that is causing you to do those things?
Imagine a complete transformation in your dating life..
From stressful and time wasting to FUN and productive! Sign up today for your plan of action!
