Dating isn’t wasting your time.
Other people aren’t wasting your time.
Meeting a lot of the wrong ones is not what is wasting your time, this is part of it.
Most people you meet will NOT be for you.
The True Time Waster
What’s wasting your time is holding onto those wrong ones for too long.
Either because you didn’t catch the red flags early enough and you give way too much benefit of the doubt.
OR on some level you believe things might change if you’re the perfect girlfriend or give enough love and he’ll magically become someone he’s not.
OR you hold on because you don’t want to start over again and be alone. So you hold on to them while you keep looking for a better one (this was my M.O. back in the day).
What This Does To Your Energy
Energetically, when you do these things, you’re sending out a confusing attraction signal.
Unknowingly you’re sending out I AM NOT AVAILABLE!
What you don’t realize you’re doing by holding onto the ones that you know aren’t for you is you are telling the Universe two things:
- That you don’t really know what you want and you are willing to accept whatever comes along in order to remain comfortable
- That you are not open and available (and therefore not ready) for the right one
Don’t Think You Can Quickly Offload Him
The kind of man you are looking for will NOT be into dating someone who is not fully available.
Trust me. I tried this. Many, many times.
I would basically get over most of the feelings I had for my boyfriend at the time while I was still with him.
I thought I could quickly disentangle myself from the one I was holding onto so that I could pursue a new opportunity when it presented itself.
One time, I had a ‘right one’ appear when I was still engaged to my first fiancee. But of course he wouldn’t date me because I wasn’t single.
So I broke it off with my fiance, put a deposit down on an apartment and was looking forward to moving out.
But I was SO CONFLICTED about it. My fiance made me feel so bad about hurting him that I was guilt tripped into staying.
Why It Didn’t Work
I completely abandoned myself and what I wanted.
I was completely confused, not in touch with who I was, what I truly wanted, and just did not have the courage to take a stand for me.
All because I was feeling guilty about breaking up with a good guy. That was supposed to be enough to make me happy. I thought maybe something was wrong with me for not being happy.
It would take me another YEAR or so before I actually broke it off for good.
Talk about a lot of wasted time!
From the time I deep down knew he wasn’t right for me to when I finally left for good – was THREE YEARS!
Yes, I spent 3 years in this confusion/guilt/shame/fear cycle.
What I Wish I Had Done Instead
What I wished I’d had back then was someone that could help me untangle my thoughts and feelings.
Someone that could help me to reconnect to myself on a much deeper level so that I could learn to trust my intuition and know exactly what I want for myself (and stop feeling bad for wanting it!).
Then I could stop feeling shame and guilt because I rejected a nice guy.
Stop Looking For A ‘Nice Guy’
What I’ve learned since then is that ‘nice’ isn’t enough. Most guys could find someone that thinks they are nice!
What I REALLY wanted was a HEALED guy. Or at least someone that prioritized growth and already had a lot of self-awareness and high emotional intelligence.
ALL guys like that ARE nice. But not all ‘nice’ guys prioritize growth. Remember that.
You have permission to want more for yourself.
When you are able to embody that, you’ll stop hanging on to the ones that are not for you.
You’ll be able to see that within just a few dates rather than it taking months.
Your time is precious.
If this resonated with you and you tend to not be able to weed out the wrong ones quickly or you hold onto the ones that aren’t for you, I can help. I’m really good at spotting the beliefs that keep getting in your way of finding the kind of partner you really want. I’d like to invite you to either reply to this email or use the link below so we can have a chat about it. On the call you’ll become aware of a few of those beliefs and if you feel you want support in resolving them, we can chat about what working together could look like. Right now, I have a lot of flexibility to craft a package to fit your needs and budget. Don’t lose any more time, book your call now by clicking the button below.
