If you are the type of person who has trouble asking for and receiving support from others, being too independent could be why you haven’t found your soul partner.
How do I know? This was (perhaps still is to an extent) me.
Defining Too Independent
I know this persona well.
Tell me if this sounds familiar to you:
I didn’t need anything from anyone.
I had my own back.
I knew I was worthy.
I rarely asked for help on anything.
The thought of burdening someone else with my problems made me cringe. So I preferred to suffer alone or figure out a way to solve the problem on my own.
Others rarely saw me cry or ‘lose it’ in any way.
I kept my emotions to myself a lot of the time.
This behavior kept me safe in a sort of cocoon that nobody could really penetrate. I even prided myself on my poker face!
It’s a protection mechanism developed in childhood that became part of my identity.
It served me well until… I wanted that soul partner type of love.
So What’s The Problem?
The problem with being too independent and not needing anything from anybody is it closes down your heart.
💪🏻You only trust yourself to meet your needs. And you feel like you would be a ‘bother’ if you asked someone else for support of any kind.
Being too independent doesn’t allow you to ACCEPT love easily.
And it interferes with you GIVING love.
Giving and especially, accepting love requires you to be vulnerable.
The Vulnerability Comfort Zone
And when you have a ‘vulnerability comfort zone’, you choose others who have a similar comfort zone or worse.
And guess what types of people they turned out to be?
❌Narcissists (they don’t want to give),
❌codependents (they want to fix you with love)
❌and the emotionally unavailable (they know you’ll take their ambivalence and won’t push for more than they can give).
These are the people who don’t really want to get too close to love.
Yikes, right?
Your Energy Broadcast Doesn’t Match Your Real Desire
You are probably thinking right now, ‘I would let the RIGHT person in, I would totally accept love from the RIGHT person.’
I believe you.
👉🏻But your energy isn’t broadcasting that.
Your energy is broadcasting ‘I don’t need anyone!’
So the only ones answering the call are the ones that don’t truly WANT you.
👏🏻Because after all, who wants to keep giving everything they have to someone that can’t receive it?
The good ones want to give AND receive equally.
Being Too Independent Keeps You Dating The Emotionally Unavailable
Being too independent was a HUGE shadow that had kept me from finding my soul partner for 20 years.
And I see it to some degree in nearly ALL of my clients.
Learning how to receive can be one of the most uncomfortable shadows to face, as the tough, independent girl persona has become very intertwined with one’s identity.
There could be existential fears behind it too (if I let someone in completely I will cease to exist).
And there is usually a lot of fear behind it (if I let someone in completely, they might abuse that trust and betray and/or abandon me).
After all, this persona was developed because there WAS a time in your life that you were denied the support that you needed or you were smacked down when you asked.
It’s like opening up a whole new world.
Once this shadow is examined and the wall is lowered, you will notice a better quality of people entering your life.
You might be asking what it would take to address such a thing that has literally been a part of your life since you can remember.
There are 4 main steps:
1 Recognizing our shadows (blocks) through taking a closer look at our triggers and patterns
2. Then we own and acknowledge them through self-compassion and possibly forgiveness
3. Examining them. This is where we connect all the dots and we look for the Truth
4. Then we integrate them into our being so that they are no longer running the show for you. Full integration happens on a mental, emotional and spiritual level – eventually, if you keep doing the work.
This is the work we do in my program, Dating Alchemy.
We walk through each step together.
So if you are single, and tired of all of this relationship trial and error that eventually ends in heartbreak click the button below to sign up for a free Path to Partnership session with me.
On the call, we will discuss the areas in your energy broadcast that when tweaked, could bring you the soul partner you have been craving.
